Ahhhhh! Real Monsters!

Hey readers,

It's monday and that means that you receive a NEW REVIEW. The process of reviewing is time consuming if you strive to write honestly and expressly. Recently I requested fellow reviewers to gander at my writings from the past few weeks and offer some feedback. One responder who calls himself Phool wrote and offered premium criticism and because of Phool's response I've doubled the amount of time I take to write reviews! This means that you get better critiques and I work harder to give it to you! So I really hope you enjoy my work as I contend to improve it. :)

Introduction:

Today's review is over Monster Commute, which is what Daniel Davis, the creator/author of this comic describes as "a free webcomic about the endless daily commute of a robot and a beast, stuck on a monster highway." Monster Commute is a 5 day a week comic based around two characters: Chadworth Machine, and Beastio. Since the title of this comic blatantly describes the story I won't go into details describing it. Instead, I'll jump directly into the critique.

Artwork:

I've been told that it's nice to start a review with some positive feedback so I'm going to follow that advice. The artwork that Daniel Davis conceives is highly original and terribly cheerful. With no black lines to outline his characters he creates a world that is skillfully original. I'm hard-pressed to think of other webcomics that utilize the same technique. Daniel creates an environment within his comic that is all-his-own by separating the look and feel of his comic from all the others that are striving toward notoriety. What's more, Daniel's use of color and eye for detail gives pieces of his artwork vitality. Look at You Wound Me. It's a perfect example of Daniel's gift for giving accessory to his work. The car in the top frame of the art has tiny pieces of detail, like the tiny license plate and the scratch on the rear fender, that adds character to the day's comic. By using detail you develop more than just a better piece of art. By adding detail you further develop the scene/atmosphere and ensnare your audience with visual stimulation.

Daniel's artwork is highly original, but his use of repeating graphics becomes irritating. More than 100 comic posts are under his belt for Monster Commute, and I would estimate that more than half of those are nearly identical! Not only are most of the page layouts monotonous, but the character poses are as well. What was gained by adding detail to each comic is crushed by the size 15 shoe that his graphic-repetitiveness wears. Below are some examples of what I mean.
See how each layout along with each character is nearly %100 identical! He changes the colors of the backgrounds as if to say to his audience "hey guys I'm changing things. See how this page is different from every other page because the inside of the car is a different color?" Instead, what they're hearing is "I'm being lazy and I hope you don't notice." Of course they do notice and I'm sure a lot of people that skim through his archives do also. Daniel, spice up your layout. Add some variety to the perspective or change the order of the frames. Do anything to make me feel like I'm not as bored as your characters while they're on their long commute to work.

Writing:

The idea of a webcomic based around commuting to work sounds intensely boring. However, everyday mundane tasks can sometimes be spiced up with out-of-the-ordinary modifications. Now, writing about monsters on their way to work in a world where goblins and Frankenstein make guest appearances, that sounds more like a plot that would create an enticing story line. It sounds like it, but it's not. There seems to be a lack of climax with every situation that Monster and Beastio find themselves in.


Character development is possibly the most important factor in a webcomic. It allows the writer to explore new avenues of the story and also helps create the story. Daniel doesn't seem to be attempting to add depth to his characters. He puts them in situations that are perfect for elaborating on who they are, but fails to do so. Click (here) and you can see a recent comic where Beastio and Chadworth are pulled over by a giant Crow robot policeman for sleeping at the wheel. However, instead of capitalizing on the funny predicament that these two characters are in Daniel has them talking about traffic laws. How are we gaining any insight into who these characters are if they aren't saying anything interesting about themselves?


Character development helps keep readers interested. It's about longevity. Also, how are we supposed to remain interested in a comic that's supposed to be funny but isn't? We can't. The image below is a perfect example of the lacking punchlines that plague Monster Commute.

So they're monsters, right? Monsters talking about a corpse they just ran over should be a situation that exudes comedy, right? Wrong. Daniel fails miserably at his attempt to make his audience chuckle. Sure, it's a little funny that these two monsters just ran over a corpse. But, just saying what happened isn't good enough to get people to laugh. There has to be some depth to the dialogue in order for the reader to say, "Oh I get it. That's clever" and hopefully it's clever enough and packs enough punch to make that person laugh. Here's an example of using the situation Daniel created, but it uses dialogue that could get some laughs, or is at least interesting.

Beastio: I hate speedbumps. Speaking of hate what's with that girl you went out with last week?

Chadworth: What?! Amy's great and she's hot!

Beastio: Really? Because the last time I saw her she looked dead. Her face looked mangled and it looked like she had gravel in her teeth.

Chadworth: What!? No way! When did YOU see her?

Beastio: About five minutes ago.... when you ran her over with the car. I hate speedbumps.....

Of course, Daniel doesn't have to get so graphic with his jokes, but you can see how using the same situation and playing with the dialogue can add to the characters, help develop the story, and make your readers laugh. From this little piece of dialogue readers can gather that Beastio has a sick sense of humor, Chadworth is single and looking, and Beastio is a little bit of a male chauvinist. Even if your characters aren't any of these things you can still understand that dialogue is an extremely important piece of your comic. Its what directly connects your readers to your characters. So half-assing your writing and punchlines is a definite no no!

Conclusion:

Daniel gets close to creating comedic dialogue with these strips: Goth Inside, The Dread, and Furnace Goblins. However, while reading his other strips I felt like a kid on Chistmas opening up all my shiny presents only to find that the shiny wrapping paper WAS my presents. I felt like this because his webcomic looks pretty but lacks the most important part. If he can grasp that savoriness he's portaying in the few strips mentioned above and elaborate on them then Daniel's audience might be more inclined to come back for more because they enjoy the story as well as the artwork. I give Monster Commute a 60 out of 100 because of the severe lack of humor and character development. The good news is that these are the only things lacking from this comic. Daniel has done a great job perfecting his style (minus the repitive graphics). So keep up the good work Daniel and please try to get some depth to your comedy and characters.

Thanks again,

Josh Engle